Before her daughter was born, Pragathi Badarinath, with a Master’s degree in Biotechnology, worked in the Pharmacovigilance Sector for a few years. Post her daughter’s birth, she went on a long maternity break. If she had to describe herself, she would say that she is a dancer by passion, an avid reader, an amateur gardener and a peace lover. An Environmentalist at heart and a believer in ‘sustainable living is the way of life’, in September 2019, Pragathi started her new venture, “Hasirufy Concepts”, an eco-friendly event management and environment consultation firm.
1. Pragathi, I have such lovely memories of us spreading breastfeeding awareness across the city. And your mother has been an ardent supporter and an equally enthusiastic participant.
Those were some amazing days across the World Breastfeeding Week – Flashmob, Walkathon and the Latch-on event. My mother has breastfed all her 4 children, so I would be surprised if she wasn’t by my side to spread awareness. In fact, I think she would go without me too.
2. Amazing! So that means you had it all worked out and were confident about breastfeeding once the baby came?
Well, that’s what I thought. During pregnancy, apart from discussing with my mother, I even read a book called, “what to expect when you are expecting.” I thought I was pretty ready to breastfeed my child. But when do things go as planned?
I had developed pregnancy induced hypertension. After the 36th week scan, my gynaecologist decided to go for a c-section as the hypertension had increased. I was under the influence of anaesthesia and hence, the baby was first fed with formula and was then brought to me.
Since my baby arrived 4 weeks early, she was a bit on the tiny side and hence was not latching correctly. She was feeding for comfort instead of feeding to satisfy her hunger. Every time I tried to feed her, she would fall asleep immediately. The doctors and nurses were supportive of breastfeeding and assured me that I had enough milk and the baby would eventually learn to nurse.
3. Go on.
Every time she fell asleep at the breast, the doctors, nurses and the lactation consultant (LC) would say that the baby slept because her stomach is full. However, as her mother, I knew something was not right! I knew that she kept sleeping and did not even attempt to try. I tried various positions. I went to the LC, again and again. I was assured that the baby is drinking milk and to stop worrying. The reason I felt strongly that she wasn’t getting enough is because every feeding session lasted hours together! If I unlatched her thinking she must be not hungry, she would cry and look for the breasts. Due to hours of incorrect feeding, I developed cracked nipples. With every passing day, she started to lose weight. Yet I was assured that all babies will lose birth weight in the first 3 days and they would regain it in a few days.
4. As a new mother, your anxiety level must have hit the roof. I am sorry you had a hard time.
I can’t explain my state of my mind back then. Somehow her pees count was more than 6 and everybody said I am unnecessarily over feeding her. Those initial days were extremely stressful. On the seventh day, she developed neonatal jaundice. My motherly instinct told me that it was because she was not drinking milk! Yet again, everybody told me that neonatal jaundice is very common and since the pee count is fine, the neonatal jaundice may not be linked to her not nursing. During her treatment for neonatal jaundice, I begged the nurses to give her formula once as the cracked nipples were extremely painful. The way she drank the formula milk was so gut wrenching – she gulped it so fast that it looked like she compensated for all the initial days of hunger.
I can never forget that day, because my worst fear came true. I was starving her.
5. At that time, you did the best you could. So please don’t beat yourself up for something that wasn’t in your hands. Did the LC not feel something was wrong?
Sapna, I met the LC multiple times but every single time she said I was worrying for no reason. I was lost. I didn’t know how to make everybody understand that my breastfeeding journey is not going smoothly. All the visitors who came to see the baby started commenting how thin she is and it only made me more stressful.
On our 10th day consultation with the pediatrician, he said the baby has still not gained her birth weight which is quite alarming. This is when everybody believed what I was saying since day 1. But instead of understanding that we need to work on getting a proper latch, it was all diverted towards me not having sufficient milk to quench my baby’s hunger.
Thus began a whole new battle.
6. It is shocking that the LC did not think it was important to evaluate the latch and also watch the baby at the breast during feeds.
I knew I had a lot of milk. I had engorged breasts, clusters of knots, leaking all the time. But still everybody concluded that I do not have milk and we have to give formula. I remember crying my heart out with the LC because I was not able to feed her liquid gold. That day, she taught me how to pump breast milk and feed the baby. I did it in front of her to make sure I got it right. I expressed milk and fed my daughter. I saw a happy, non-fussy baby after a long time. My happiness knew no bounds.
That’s how my pumping journey began.
7. I know you expressed for a long time, very long time. Tell us about it.
Something that I still struggle with is not having an answer to why she rejected my breasts or fell asleep at it. The comments that I did not have enough milk were never ending. The more I heard such comments the more determined I was to express milk and feed her. Only breast milk.
I made sure that I expressed milk every two hours irrespective of whether she demanded or not. I stocked up enough before I tried bringing her to the breast. But she had a preference, the bottle. She would come to the breast to fall asleep. While mothers generally struggled to make their babies sleep, it was a piece of cake for me. All I had to do was to bring her to my breasts. It was disappointing that she was not drinking from me.
After a point, I gave up on direct feeding and made peace with the fact that atleast she was on expressed milk. With my expressed milk, the once skinny baby grew beautifully, with admirable weight and height and also reaching all the milestones well in advance.
The results and my active baby motivated me to express and feed her for two whole years! Every 2 hours, for 2 whole years. The never ending sterilization did prove to be a roadblock but my husband took care of it.
8. Two years!! Wow, I am so proud of you. Truly commendable. Tell us about the magical change that happened after she turned 2 years.
After her 2nd birthday, instinctively I wanted to try direct feeding. She had started speaking quite early for her age and was able to understand and communicate almost everything. We spoke about how she needs to now drink from my breasts and not the bottle. She agreed and drank as though she has been drinking from day 1. It was magical and heart melting.
I wish I had tried this much earlier but the stress I went through in the initial days were so deep. I did not have the courage to try direct breast feeding. But when I did, it was an out of this world experience. That suckling sound, the gulping, that satisfactory smile and the contended burp after a feed, I was literally in tears. And since that day till she self-weaned, there was no turning back.
It was a new beginning.
9. Hard work, dedication and determination pays. Beautiful! You mentioned having a strong support team without whom all of this wouldn’t have been possible.
The credit goes to my husband, my mother and a facebook group, Breastfeeding Support for Indian Mothers (BSIM). My husband, a physician, believes that breast milk is the best gift parents can give to their kid as it is not only physically beneficial but mentally too. It boosts the child’s confidence. He constantly reminded me how we don’t have to succumb to the societal pressure of not breastfeeding for long term. Only I get to decide when to end this beautiful journey.
My mother believes that breastfeeding is compulsory, not an option. She kept telling me how breastfeeding is important for the mother’s health too. Though I am extremely grateful to my husband and my mother, I would like to give more credits to BSIM. It had become my encyclopedia for all breastfeeding related queries. I learnt about breast pumps, pumping schedules, how to maintain a stash, nursing in public, nursing to term, self-weaning and so much more.
BSIM made my breastfeeding journey so smooth that every time I came across an expectant or new mother, I added them to the group. I will forever be indebted to this group.
10. How far along did you come in your breastfeeding journey?
She self-weaned when she was 3 years and 6 months. She simply lost interest in it gradually and stopped asking. Both my husband and I believed in self-weaning and we were sure to wait till it happened. So comments like, “omg, are you still feeding her? Isn’t she too big for Breastmilk?” did not really bother us.
We humans are the only mammals who forcefully stop feeding our little ones with the nutritious Breastmilk we are blessed with! We have been blessed with mammary glands for a reason. Nature decided to give mammary glands to humans to feed their offsprings till they self-weaned.
Now, I am pregnant with my second baby and will be giving birth soon. This time I am a lot more prepared and I know where to seek help if I face latching issues. Eagerly waiting for the beautiful breastfeeding journey to start.
11. Congratulations!! Based on the journey you’ve had, what would you tell expectant and new mothers?
Thank you for the wishes. The problem is that everybody thinks they know the child much better than the mother. A new mother, who is already overwhelmed with the arrival of a new tiny human, is always put under stress by constant comments on her breast milk supply. People think the only reason a baby cries is for milk. This will only increase her stress instead of comforting her.
My very strong advice is for people around a new mother. Trust the mother! She will know if the baby is hungry or not. No mother would want to starve her baby. She will reach out for help if she needs it.
