Having done her BE in Computer Science and worked in the IT industry for 10 years, Soumya Suryakumar chose to slow down when her son, Aaryan, was born. She resigned from her job to spend more time with him. While at home, Soumya did not stop following her love for trekking with the Bangalore Trekking Club (BTC) and learning Bharathanatyam.
1. Soumya, tell us a little about how your pregnancy went.
I had a difficult pregnancy. At 6 and half months, due to a short cervix, I had to get a cerclage done to add some stitches. Thankfully, I met my doctor at the right time and it was diagnosed soon. I was on bed rest post-surgery. Up until the operation, I was quite well read about pregnancy and felt in control. I like to have things in control. But the surgery threw me off and caused a lot of stress for the next few days. I realized it was taking an unnecessary toll on me and I need to just go with the flow and not worry about having things on a schedule.
My stitches were removed in the 37th week and my son was born in the 39th week. Due to all the injections post operation, labour was very slow and the hospital environment just drained me out emotionally. I went in for a C-section 12 hours after my water broke.
When I look back, I wish I had spoken to people about my cervix issue and worked out ways to have a natural birth. People around me were also far from motivating; they were so sure that I cannot handle a natural birth. It just brought down my confidence further.
2. I am so sorry you had a hard time. Was the start of breastfeeding easier?
I wish. It was like going from the pan into the fire. My son was shown to me only in the operation theatre. There was no immediate skin-to-skin contact and I was not even aware of its importance. Due to the pain from the stitches I was not able to get up and sit and my family kept holding the baby. I remember yelling on the second day to please let me hold my son.
During my pregnancy, in the 5th month, the doctor saw that I had inverted nipples so she gave me a syringe and asked me to do an exercise every day of pulling my nipple out. It didn’t help much. I still struggled to breastfeed the first 5 days that I was in the hospital. While my son was ready to latch, I struggled with positioning him. Also, I was told I won’t have milk for 3 days and he was given formula.
3. That must have been so difficult on you. Go on.
The thought that I wasn’t able to latch him or have any milk was heartbreaking. And then suddenly I have engorgement. Neither my mother nor the hospital staff knew what to do. Everybody just kept saying, “Feed the baby… feed the baby”. “But how?!” I was in terrible pain but nobody was ready to help. A friend who had just given birth 6 months before came to my rescue. She asked to apply hot compress and express milk which really helped.
Due to inverted nipples, the nurses kept using the syringe while I screamed in pain. Even the paediatric doctor on his rounds said, “What kind of a mother are you? Don’t you know how to feed?” My hospital stay was traumatic and depressing, to say the least.
4. For health care professionals to be so easy with their comments and not help is totally unacceptable. Did it get better when you got home?
While we did manage to get the hang of breastfeeding, all the syringe usage on my nipples led to terrible soreness. The pain was unbearable and hence the doctor recommended the nipple shield. The struggle was on for the next 10 days that it took for the nipples to heal.
He was combi-fed for the first 15 days of his life. He used to cry a lot. Like every 30 minutes and a lot. Everyone around me kept saying my milk wasn’t enough. Having hear enough, one day, my husband put his foot down and told me, “Soumya, you have to have confidence in yourself. You can do this. Let’s stop giving formula.”
That was the turning point in our journey and there was no looking back after that. That supportive nudge changed everything. We continued our journey for 2 years and 3 months. The fear of low supply always crossed my mind but that also used to be cleared by the new paediatrician we had found for him.
5. Did you find nursing in public (NIP) easy?
I wasn’t very sure of NIP. I used to always time our outings in such a way that we moved around only in between his feeds. We would leave immediately after a feed and return before the next feed. Or, feed in the car. Once, at a restaurant, they did not have a separate area to breastfeed and I fed him in the toilet. That was the first and last. My actual experience of NIP was when he was 1.5 years and we had gone for the Pinkathon event. The babywearing group helped me with methods and tips to feed discreetly in public.
6. Did you plan the weaning process with your son?
Not at all. Over the 2 years and 3 months, people said a lot of things.
“He will not get attached to anybody else.”
“You should not feed beyond 1 year.”
“Your milk does not have any nutrients.”
After 2 years, my son had started feeding less than usual. I followed the signs thinking that he is ready to wean. I didn’t push him to speed up the process and we had a smooth end to the beautiful journey.
7. What are your parting thoughts for pregnant or new mothers?
Have someone with you in the delivery room who is strong willed. You will be emotionally and physically drained. A word of encouragement … just a sentence “you can do this!” will really get you through birthing your child. This someone can be your husband, your mother, a doula or anyone who you are comfortable with.
