Akshaya Abilash, mother to three (2 humans and 1 fur) is a teacher by profession. She runs the Pune sling library for Live Love Babywear and is also a Customer Support Assistant with Bumpadum, India’s very own cloth diapering company. We interviewed Akshaya when she was nursing her baby around the 2-year mark and you can read about their journey here before they weaned.
1. Such a pleasure to have you back and to listen to your second journey. Your daughter was 16 months when we last spoke. How was breastfeeding through pregnancy?
It was tough. I won’t lie. I battled severe nursing aversion and my daughter could sense my body changing. She latched even more which made it difficult for me to cope. I soon realised, with the help of peers and peer support groups, that the time I nurse her is the time I get to be with her; truly and wholly. That will help us bond much better and help reassure her that no matter what I’m will always be there for her, her Amma. Slowly things became easier and I could nurse through the dip in supply during pregnancy as well without an issue.
Just when things seemed like it was falling in place, I lost my father. I was diagnosed with depression. Anti-depressants were prescribed and I was in therapy. Breastfeeding was the only thing that kept me going.
2. I am extremely sorry for your loss. A lot of people have mentioned being able to cope through breastfeeding. It isn’t enough but a little respite. You were a lot prepared the second time and was also able to get some of the crucial practices done.
Yes, during my prenatal visits I did speak to my gynaecologist about skin-to-skin and breastfeeding within the golden hour, first hour post birth. In spite of a c-section at 37 weeks, we were able to get both done. But the first latch hurt. And all the consecutive latches hurt too. I watched a lot of videos and tried to correct the latch but was in pain. It took constant support from the nurses and the doctor, before we perfected the latch on the 7th day.
It is true when they say no two journeys are the same – even if they are your own blood.
3. Was it smooth sailing once you got home?
Oh yes. My son slept well so that let all of us catch up on some sleep and rest. For the first 10 days, I woke him up every 2 hours to ensure he was fed and back to his birth weight soon. Thereafter we continued to nurse on demand.
During nursing sessions, my daughter gave us company by providing me with anything I would need for the baby or just keeping him entertained while he was at the breast.
She did take her big sister role quite seriously.
4. How was your experience with tandem nursing?
The first time around I was bombarded with myths from low supply to baby being addicted. This time well-wishers said I wouldn’t make enough for two or the older one would finish it up leaving nothing for the newborn. And then I think I zoned out.
It was magical the first time it happened. I cried tears of joy as my children held hands while tandem nursing. It felt surreal that my body was capable of doing this but yet here I was doing it!
I knew better. More aware. Was easy to stand up for both my kids and I. Even today, they talk about having nursed together. Beautiful, ain’t it
5. Anirvan did have a few health scares in between. How were you able to keep calm through it?
When he was barely a year old, Anirvan fractured his hand. Seeing his little hand all plastered and tied was heartbreaking but breastfeeding helped calm both our nerves.
At 18 months, he caught pneumonia and hospitalisation was required. The only way to calm him and make him sleep through all the needle pokes was to breastfeed. Due to the illness, he had barely eaten for 5 straight days and was surviving on saline and breast milk. He did not lose even 1kg of weight and the doctors and nurses were impressed. They praised me for breastfeeding for that long as it helped to fight the infection better and bounce back to his usual self, sooner.
6. Can you describe the weaning process and experience with both children?
Aashrita was weaned at 2.5 years and Anirvan at 2 years. They were both weaned gently and gradually.
Aashrita and I slowly found other ways to bond and she found new ways to comfort herself, especially cuddling together. She started demanding lesser feeds and I followed her cues. We spoke about how she enjoys eating a variety of different foods so she doesn’t need to nurse anymore. She slowly weaned and didn’t ask to nurse. It was heart-breaking for me as well but felt it was in her best interest.
She was okay watching her brother nurse. Joined us with her dolls and pretended to nurse them saying, “I’m like amma. I give nene to my dolls.”
We had a rocky start but the journey was nothing but beautiful.
7. Your suggestion for second-time mommas.
If you do choose to tandem, know that it isn’t easy but like with everything related to parenting, very rewarding.
