Slow and Steady: Breastfeeding Journey
A Bollywood enthusiast, extremely strong willed and energetic, Laxmi Denis Dsouza is a total Mumbaikar by heart and soul. Her friends call her a “Powerhouse”. Out of the 22 years of knowing each other, she celebrated a decade of marriage to her partner in crime (not literally ;)), Denis. They have a 4-year-old naughty little toddler named Yohaan. Let’s read about how she took slow and steady steps towards a successful breastfeeding journey. 1. Laxmi, let’s begin with your birthing experience. I delivered Yohaan whom we fondly call as Yohu after 5.5 years of our marriage. We had a very difficult journey right from conceiving him until delivery. He happened to us post several surgeries, medications, hopes and prayers. Our chances of conceiving naturally were at 50%. I am thankful to God that it happened. Since, I was a high-risk patient from the word go, I knew it was going to be a C-section. I had neither read about anything related to breastfeeding, nor did I know about concepts like skin-to-skin, the importance of colostrum or even exclusive breastfeeding and its benefits to the child. I delivered Yohu in October 2014 around 5.30 pm and was out of the operation theatre by 6.30 pm. Everybody was busy clicking pictures with him and exclaiming how cute he is while I was just lying down with no energy to move. I had not even taken him in my arms, forget breastfeeding. 2. Did you breastfeed immediately? I was ignorant and absolutely unaware if my baby was fed anything between 5.30pm to 10.30pm. I guess it did not cross my mind because he was sleeping peacefully. The nurse came around 10.30pm and said she is taking him for a feed; even then, I did not question her. They took him inside, gave him something and brought him back. The nurse said I couldn’t feed him that day as I was on IV; “let him drink ‘outside’ milk and sleep in the cubicle made for babies”. In the middle of the night, the nurse came and placed him beside me. I remember waking up and seeing my cute little potato properly for the first time. 3. When and how was breastfeeding initiated? It was only the next morning. I took Yohu in my hands and froze. I remember the feeling till date. The big moment to feed him had just arrived. The nurse asked me to try feeding and she left. I was a little conscious about feeding him in front of my mother-in-law (MIL) and mother. I still tried a few times but was unsuccessful. The nurse tried to help but declared that I did not have a milk supply yet. I was trying to be strong when another statement from my MIL broke my heart into pieces. She said, “You drank a lot of milk during pregnancy; where did all of that go?”. A drop of tear rolled down my cheeks and I silently said sorry to my son. 4. I am so sorry that you had a difficult start. Did it get better the next day? No, it did not. They fed him powdered milk and kept him away from me too. This continued for another two days. I remember each time trying to feed him and failing miserably. The stress and tears were back. One nurse asked my husband to get a pump. He was really supportive and followed every instruction to help me breastfeed. I was discharged with advice to keep trying, some tablets and a big box of powdered milk. 5. I wish you weren’t discharged till you began breastfeeding. How was it after you got home? I wished the same too. The real struggle began after we got home. I just did not know how to hold my child. He howled every time he was brought near my breasts. I was convinced that I wasn’t making any milk. But my breasts had started to pain miserably, which was confusing to me. Next morning, the massage woman helped me relieve the pain and told me that I have a lot of milk for the baby. Those words were comforting. The struggle was getting severe with each passing day. Yohu was on formula and a little pumped milk. My hands hurt from manually pumping. I was also stressed and crying constantly for not being able to feed him directly. Not having the right information also led to us giving him cow’s milk one night as he was crying continuously. As suggested on discharge, we tried the nipple shield. Some days he would drink through the shield and some days from a bottle. However, he refused to nurse directly. A month went by and it was time for his first visit to the doctor. 6. Kudos to you for trying. Why did you not reach out for help after the first few days itself? Was the visit helpful? I was ashamed and in guilt for the first month that I wasn’t able to feed Yohu. Also, I wasn’t aware there are specific groups on social media or experts called as Lactation Counselors who help mothers like me. We were in for a shock during the doctor’s visit – Yohu had lost considerable weight. The doctor was upset and extremely rude. He ‘assumed’ that I wasn’t nursing to maintain my figure and get back to work earlier. He also labelled my child as cranky with behavioral issues. I broke down and explained that I was doing my best but it just wasn’t falling in place. All he said was that it is a natural process. He showed me some techniques and asked me to keep trying. I felt extremely insulted by the doctor and I was determined to get it right for my son. Postpartum Depression (PPD) made it worse. Nothing and nobody was helping the situation. One day, I had a huge fight with my husband while feeding Yohu formula. He said some really nasty things and that he
